Shanghai, Paris of the East...
It’s home to world-class restaurants, peaceful (and safe) public parks, stunning architecture, old and new, and... shops with nonsensical names.
How many of the following have you spotted around town?
Try to hazard a guess as to what each one sells and then scroll sideways for the answers.
01
What could its contents hold?
Half-repaired plushies for the child whom you want to make cry this Christmas? ‘Lightly cursed’ antiques whereby every item looks normal, but comes with a minor inconvenience? Oddly specific greeting cards with messages like, “Sorry for eating the last slice of pizza and then lying about it!”?
💳 Actually sells: Like, cute crocheted frogs and the like that young people would clip to their heads or attach to their bags. And realistic-looking bread that smells stupidly good.
Broken Puppy
39 Ruijin Road, Huangpu
2
Name of an MTV show from the naughties where you’re tricked into becoming red-bearded, bald-headed Boston comic Bill Burr. By the end of each episode, Ashton Kutcher runs out with a camera crew screeching: “You’ve been burrd!”
💳 Actually sells: A really cute cocktail bar that seems like it would be great for a date night.
burrdbar
24-7 Ruijin Road, Huangpu
3
Every lady who’s ever been with me has held onto this as long as they could, before realising they were delulu.
Also see: Decentpersonvision* and functionalhumanvision*. Don’t forget the asterisk!
💳 Actually sells: Kind of meh clothing.
Climaxvision*
34 Yanqing Road, Xuhui
4
The shop that dares you to ask, ‘What are they selling?’ (And more importantly, ‘Should I be buying?’)
💳 Actually sells: A different kind of addictive substance to a highly specific crowd, namely sneakerheads and hoopheads (of the basketball variety).
Drug!
136 Xinle Road, Xuhui
5
Experience the cringe of her cajoling your friends into salsa dancing! The annoyance as she breaks down exactly where she went wrong in marrying your father! The want to burrow your head in the dirt so as to not have to listen to her explain how she is a person with desires!
💳 Actually sells: Cocktails, at least once upon a time? We recently pressed our noses up againt tthe shuttered shop’s dirty windows; it seemed like no one had been home for a while...
Drŭnk Mŏm
132 Chengdu South Road, Huangpu
6
Where naturists meet! In a city with no nude beaches, here you can finally shed the constraining weight of clothes and be your true self amongst loads of old wrinkly Europeans. Are people on nude beaches ever the sort of people you want to see nude?
💳 Actually sells: A bakery selling very pretty cream cakes. Probably an reference to the style of ‘naked cakes’ popularised by American baker Christina Tosi of Milk Bar in 2014; a bit of a tease, this baking technique leaves a cake’s layers semi-exposed so you see its fillings.
EVERNAKED naked cake
891 Julu Road, Jing'an
7
As you battle with the meaningless nature of the human condition in a godless universe, come stare into tree stumps and realise that you are in fact your own god, and that only you can determine your meaning.
💳 Actually sells: Clothes. For kids. Existential kids.
EXISTENTIALISM KIDS
153 Fumin Road, Jing'an
8
Fraw — try saying it three times fast. Or, try saying it once without sounding like you’re choking on a pretzel.
Fraw. It’s the kind of name that makes you wonder if the marketing team just threw Scrabble tiles at a wall and called it a day. It is a mystery that will haunt me.
💳 Actually sells: High fashion. Ahhh... Figures.
Fraw
36 Yanqing Road, Xuhui
9
The reality is that you’re a functional alcoholic. Drink more water.
💳 Actually sells: Trendy-wendy streetwear like Monday Sleeping Club. Suited to sullen youth who just want to lie flat or quiet quit.
Headache Reality
39 Yanqing Road, Xuhui
